Random Thoughts I Have During the Day as a Mom
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| +ScaryMommyTV via Instagram Retrieved: May 21, 2016 |
Dear Moms,
Some days are amazing as a mommy. Some days are stressful and some days are downright scary! But, have you ever had any thoughts about your children that are just downright inappropriate? Lol I personally have, and I figured I'd share some of them as they pertain to a particularly "meh," Mom day and the "Mommyisms" I HAVE to say in real life instead!
***BE ADVISED THERE ARE SOME SWEARS***
6:30 am: (Alarm goes off) Ugh, ok let's get moving. "Ugh, okay let's get moving."
7:00 am: (waking kids) Omg,why doesn't THIS one feel good today?! "Let me see if you have a fever, if not you're going to school."
7:22 am: Why the hell are they arguing over the damn TOILET?! "Yes, I know there is only one potty- but we have to share, okay?"
7:45 am: Fifteen fucking minutes before we have to walk out the door and THIS GUY says he needs a LUNCH?! Grrrr... "Ham or turkey sandwich, Honey?"
8:15 am: Thank you God, they're getting the hell out of the van! "Bye, I love you- have a great day."
8:35 am: Let me get something to fucking eat so I can get to work. "I'll have a small McCafe with four creams and six sugars and a sausage biscuit please."
9:00 am: Oh my damn! Why are there so many emails?? And they aren't even spam! (Okay, I'm home alone so my thoughts are aloud. Don't judge me! Lol)
11:15 am: Son of a bitch I forgot to check twitter for the business accounts!
12:30 pm: I need food and some caffeine, because before you know it- the damn kids will be home. "Can I place an order for carryout?"
1:20 pm: Shit! After school snack- um, um, uhhhh...FUCK! I forgot about dinner! (Searching kitchen for ideas)
1:30 pm: Okay, I have an hour left before I have to leave for the kid's school- I have to edit this post. Hurry, hurry!
2:30 pm: (in the van, waiting) God I hate sitting in front of this school every afternoon... I think I have to pee... Eeew, who's THAT? (About some random adult entering the building) Ugh, THAT bitch right there...lemme stop thinking like that.
3:04 pm: Finally, ONE of them! I really have to pee!! "Heeey, you!" "How was school?!"
3:08 pm: Where the hell is the last kid?! I fucking gotta pee! "Where in the hell is your sister, I have to go pee now.."
3:09 pm: FINALLY-why the hell is she WALKING?! "Come on, we gotta go!"
3:10-3:18 pm: Omg, they are all just talking away, I don't even really care- I gotta pee! "Really?!" "That sounds fun." "How'd you do on your quiz?" "You need how much?" God damn it! Annnnd- I still have to pee!
3:18 pm: THANK YOU JESUS, I'M HOME AND I CAN PEE! "Yeah, go ahead of me it's fine sweetie." DAMMIT!
3:20 pm: Aaaaah, sweet release...this is the best piss EVER! "I am on my way out, give me a minute!"
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| +ScaryMommyTV via Instagram Retrieved: May 21, 2016 |
4:05-5:44 pm: (At the playground) This was the best idea tonight. They get fresh air, and tired- I take them home feed them and bathe them... Goodnight, Irene! "Yeah, I see u up there!" "Be careful!" "Of course I saw your shot!" I wasn't paying attention... Shit.
6:00-8:00 pm: (Dinner and bath time) Oh fuck me with a drillbit- how is it this kid doesn't eat tomatoes anymore?! REALLY? Are you fucking kidding? TODAY? "Okay, sweetie just eat AROUND the tomatoes. I'm sorry that I forgot you don't like them." "Yes, there is more, can you get it yourself?" "Okay, be careful!" CRASH! Kid:Oops! MOTHERFUCKER- I just KNEW that was gonna happen! "Are you okay? I got it, we can clean it up together. Don't cry...it's okay."
8:30 pm: THANK YOU JESUS, BEDTIME! "Goodnight, sleep tight, don't let the bed bugs bite!" kid: "If they do?" Me: "Bite 'em back!" kid: "If they taste like doodoo?" Me: "Spit 'em out!" kid: "If they taste like candy?" Me: "Eat 'em up!" (giggles from everyone) kisses and lights out.
Basically from bedtime on- It's nothing but my tirade of, "Shut the hell up!" "Go to SLEEP!" "Stop talking and go to sleep!" "If you all don't shut your faces and go to sleep I will come in there and CUT you!" Lol until eventually, at least 2 of them are in MY bed and finally we all can go to sleep. Me- usually by 1 am!
That is essentially, in a nutshell my day of thoughts in regard to my kids... I don't feel guilty because for the most part I kept those bad boys under wraps... and I mean- come on we ALL have those occasional thoughts. It's okay moms, we don't have to be perfect. As long as we keep them alive, and relatively normal- we have done a GREAT JOB for the day! Pat yourselves on the back more often- and when u feel like a failure, pop over here and see how the hell I'm messing mine up and you'll feel LOADS better!
Until Next Time!
6:00-8:00 pm: (Dinner and bath time) Oh fuck me with a drillbit- how is it this kid doesn't eat tomatoes anymore?! REALLY? Are you fucking kidding? TODAY? "Okay, sweetie just eat AROUND the tomatoes. I'm sorry that I forgot you don't like them." "Yes, there is more, can you get it yourself?" "Okay, be careful!" CRASH! Kid:Oops! MOTHERFUCKER- I just KNEW that was gonna happen! "Are you okay? I got it, we can clean it up together. Don't cry...it's okay."
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Basically from bedtime on- It's nothing but my tirade of, "Shut the hell up!" "Go to SLEEP!" "Stop talking and go to sleep!" "If you all don't shut your faces and go to sleep I will come in there and CUT you!" Lol until eventually, at least 2 of them are in MY bed and finally we all can go to sleep. Me- usually by 1 am!
That is essentially, in a nutshell my day of thoughts in regard to my kids... I don't feel guilty because for the most part I kept those bad boys under wraps... and I mean- come on we ALL have those occasional thoughts. It's okay moms, we don't have to be perfect. As long as we keep them alive, and relatively normal- we have done a GREAT JOB for the day! Pat yourselves on the back more often- and when u feel like a failure, pop over here and see how the hell I'm messing mine up and you'll feel LOADS better!
Until Next Time!
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